Hello,
An author I know by the name of Winter Roberts is writing his biography. I wanted to share just the first part of the first pages with you. I hope you’ll get a few laughs.
My Unofficial,
Unabridged,
and
Unauthorized,
Autobiography
By: Me
They say:
Never wake a sleeping Tiger.
They say:
I’m a quiet storm. However, when you call down the thunder,
you can be sure that lightning will strike first.
They also say:
Philosophy is just a game for mental geniuses
who have nothing better to do.
I think I can be known as the first two.
Fuck the rest.
My good friends call me by Cowboy
(Though I’ve never ridden a horse in my life)
This is a simple gathering of my life for my boy who may never have a chance to know who I really am if I don’t write this.
So to put it plainly, these are the accounts of an adventurer.
(Let the book begin now so I can stop rambling.)
Why you shouldn’t read my book…
I’m a person who has gone through my own varied experiences and discovered how to talk about them as a story. People tend to think I’m just lying to them when in fact, my strange stories are just a little more practiced than most people think would sound like a naturally told story. It’s being put in a book because my experiences can sometimes be therapy for me to even go back and write about them, or voice them. In other words, there are two things in life I don’t pay for sex and psychologists. It’s very funny to me how they both begin with the same consonant sound.
Why you should read my book…
Well, this is a hard answer even for me. At the moment I’m writing this section it’s the 28th of March and the year: 2022. What’s significant about this date is that I’m in the worst place possible to ever be. I’m in Ukraine. There happens to be a war here. Even as I’m writing, people are fighting and dying for the independence of a sovereign country and I’m in the middle of it. I’m in territory that’s already occupied by the Russians. At this time in this little village of about 1,200 people, there are no police and no army protection which is why they’re not bombing here yet. However, I hear bombs almost daily in another city within 50 kilometers. Being an American, it can be sketchy as to if I’m even going to make it out of here alive much less my family as well.
My ego may be big, but I have a hard time deciding if even I should read my book. The irony is that I’m the one writing it and so, therefore, I should read it also right? Nope, I won’t read it. It’s too depressing. It’s a boring book and it shouldn’t be on the shelf, right? WRONG.
As you’ve probably figured out, there are dozens of reasons why I’m writing this thing or book if you will. Later, I’ll probably make it an audiobook. I’m a voice actor and have the right tools, so that won’t be a problem just time. However, the one thing that isn’t clear at the moment is… well I’ll let you figure that out too. So, that being said, grab a coffee or tea, just sit down, shut up, and read. I think if you’re a veteran, an adventurer, love adventures, or adventurers (Those who remember who Jack London is may know that he himself was an adventurer.) You’re going to love this book. That’s the bottom line. (Well, maybe love, in a halfway kinda fashion, maybe sort of like it.)
1. In the beginning: there was light…
You know that people say before you’re born, there’s a white light as you’re delivered and some people say it’s God’s blessing sending his new child into the world? They say that the Angels are with you and you hear wonderful music, or that it’s that warm spirit keeping you in comfort while you’re powerless to help yourself?
Then again others say it’s just that irritating light in the delivery room that you can’t get away from after that warm snuggly place you were inside of. It’s where you thought you would be safe and warm. The cold coupled with the slap on your back makes you cry but for some reason, you feel peace? Hmmm, makes about as much sense as “The first thing you know ol’ Jed’s a millionaire”.
What are your thoughts?